Marriage in Edda: The Process

Excerpts from “Edda Heritage” by Egbebu Liberal Movement

November 15, 2009

Introduction

The procedure for contracting a marriage in traditional Edda society is very elaborate. The acceptance of a suitor by a girl and/or her parents is assured by their receipt of any gifts presented by him. Typical items in the parcel include toiletries. This marks the beginning of the betrothal period which, in Edda, lasts between twelve months and seven years. The long period of betrothal allows the man enough time to pass through his senior Egbela initiation processes (covering some six to seven years) before he is considered mature traditionally to keep a wife.

Marriage Procedure

Basically, the marriage procedure in Edda could be identified in ten broad stages:

1. Ibii Ncha or Iwui Ahueker
2. Ikpo Oku Mai or Mai Ajuju/Ikpa Mbo
3. Iburu Mai Ulo
4. Imepo Ulo or Ileta Ulo
5. Ibui Ife Izu Mmeme Dum
6. Oru Ogo
7. Mai Ozi Nkuru
8. Ila Di (traditional wedding)
9. Ikwu Eku Nwami (payment of bride-wealth)
10. Ibi Ulo

Ibii Ncha/Iwui Ahuekere

This refers to the first formal set of gifts the suitor gives to his intended bride, and if they are accepted, it means her consent to be his wife. To consolidate the relationship, the young man, his mother or father usually continues to offer gifts to the bride and her mother, aside from affectionate greetings and felicitations. Lapses in this regard could abort the incipient relationship.

Ikpo Oku Mai / Mai Ajuju / Mai Ikpa Mbo

This involves the father of the young man going to visit the father of the girl, in company of intimate friends and with a pot of palm wine and some meat or stockfish (it is not customary in Igbo land for guests to present kola nuts to their hosts).

The occasion is really the first opportunity for the family of the young man to formally inform the host-family that they are interested in their daughter for marriage. One of the several idiomatic expressions the elders use to put the message across is: “Nnaa, enwere m ihe m huru n’ulo gi ga na-akpota m uri (oriri) n’ebe a” (My dear, I have seen something in your house that will induce my frequent visits here).

Usually, the girl’s father will invite his closest “umunna” (paternal relatives) or friends to witness the mission of his guests. After eating and drinking, the visitors state their mission (it is the tradition in Edda to eat and drink before any discussions, because “if the wine is for good or bad, it must be taken first” and it is not customary to reject the wine brought to one’s house).

Most often the girl’s father does not give a direct, positive response to his guests, but by allusions and adductions, the guests will perceive whether or not their host is favorably disposed to them. Typical responses from the girl’s father include “Nnaa, anule m. Anya anyi di n’uwa” (My dear, I have heard you. We are on the look-out). He would probably then ask the representatives of the suitor to the “kitchen” (that is, the girl’s mother) because getting his consent is not a problem.

Iburu Mai Ulo

It is through regular visits, offering of gifts to the girl and her mother and their acceptance that the suitor ascertains the true feelings of his prospective in-laws and of course, the attitude of his bride-to-be. If the assessment is positive, the parents of the young man prepare for a second formal visit to the girl’s parents. For this visit, there is advanced notice to enable the hosts prepare and inform their “umunna” and other relatives and friends.

This time around, the entertainment is more elaborate with palm wine, spirits, bush meat, stockfish, heads of tobacco and potash (akanwa). Full discussions are held to include virtually all the paternal and maternal relatives of the girl.

Indeed, marriage in Edda is between the nucleus and extended families of the bride and groom. As many visits as the young man’s relatives pay, the male visitor will customarily offer a pot of palm wine, other types of drinks and meat or stockfish, while the female visitor will present stockfish, dried/smoked fish and some tubers of yams. Some prospective in-laws may demand suitor-services depending on the degree of the relationship and the age of the person. It is important that the negotiating team on the girl’s side is impressed so it will give a favorable feedback.

Imepo Ulo/Ileta Ulo

Some form of familiarity having been established, the bride’s family needs to be assured that the girl is really acceptable to the family of the groom. An appointment is made with the family of the girl or her parents to expect visitors from the family of the suitor, and it is on this occasion that the wealth of the man’s parents and their love for the girl could be assessed. This is a very critical stage in the marriage procedure of the Edda, and if the suitor scales through, detractors and other spoilers will have to give way. If, on the other hand, the girl rejects the suitor at this stage, his parents may demand a return of the package offered. Also, if she opts for a member of the initial suitor’s age grade, the new man will be penalized for elopement. This is designed to ease friction within the very important age grade system which plays a critical role in warfare and governance.

The requirements for the visit in Imepo Ulo/Ileta Ulo include:

• a box of clothes for the girl
• a piece of cloth for her mother
• cosmetics
• cam wood (ufie)
• toilet and laundry soaps
• cutlery
• various kinds and sizes of smoked fish
• yams and stockfish of recognizable sizes
• kitchen utensils
• mat (ute)
• bed and beddings
• umbrella

From the list, it is obvious that the suitor is expected to provide the girl with virtually all the things that should make her comfortable and happy so that her friends and relatives will know the man is capable of catering for the girl in his house. None of the items is considered too small or too big for this occasion and the package depends on the relative affluence of the groom and his family. Understandably, the items have varied in scope and quantity over the years.

The items are taken to the girl’s home by the female relatives and friends of the groom’s family – displayed on their heads as they pass through the village square for the girl’s people to see and admire. Even where there is a shorter route to the girl’s home, the entourage takes a longer, open route so that more people are able to witness what they are taking to their prospective in-laws.

The girl’s father is not left out in the scheme of things. He gets ground tobacco (snuff), some heads of tobacco, potash (akanwa) and kola nuts.

In all, the occasion attracts friends and family on both sides; food is prepared and served, and both parties really make the public aware of the marriage. Women from the bride’s side are always around to ensure that all the food requirements are met.

Ibui Ife Izu Mmeme Dum

It is obligatory for the bride and groom to exchange visits every festival in their respective villages. The bride sends some firewood and water to her prospective mother-in-law and may stay with the older woman for some days during the festival (Mmeme). Such visits and stay with her mother-in-law afford the groom’s family the opportunity to study their bride more closely. When she is leaving, the girl usually gets gifts from her mother-in-law.

Also under an arrangement known as “Ile Oma”, the girl could spend up to a week, two weeks or even a month in her prospective husband’s home, according to the wishes of both families. These long visits provide further avenues for mutual assessment – the girl to acquaint herself with the family she is being married to and the man’s relatives on her figure, looks, behavior, general character as well as capabilities in cooking and other housecraft.

Although they are technically man and wife, the girl is not permitted to co-habit with her husband during the “Ile Oma.”

It should be stated here that the Edda citizen is neither reserved nor punctilious about pronouncing verdict on such matters. If the girl is to become a member of the family, the man’s relatives are curious naturally, and want to be assured – in their judgment – that she is up to standard.

On his part, the groom does not spend the night in the bride’s home, but presents gifts to her during his visits at festivals. Such gifts include yams, smoked fish, stockfish, cosmetics, soaps and cam wood (ufie).

Among the several festivals and the villages in which they are observed are:

• Okwe (Libolo Edda only)
• Olo (Ekoli Edda only)
• Ndagha (Asagha Owutu only)
• Abia Ukwu (all Edda)
• Udumini/Isiji (all Edda)
• Mbe (all Edda)
• Ikpala (Amangwu Edda only)
• Ogwugwu-Idima (Nguzu Edda only)

Okwe, Olo, Ndagha, Abia Ukwu, Udumini and Mbe are annual festivals, while Ikpala and Ogwugwu Idima are observed once every twenty and nine years respectively. During the latter two festivals, visits and gifts are not exchanged by couples, except their betrothal periods coincide with the events.

Oru Ogo

Literally translated, “Oru Ogo” refers to labor for in-laws. The obligation is for the young man to render manual labor services to the family of his prospective wife. This was usually fulfilled with the assistance of the young man’s peers (like his age grade), brothers and sisters. Activities involved include farm work and building and repair of houses. As a matter of fact, the prospective parents-in-law could call on the young man at any time to render one form of service or the other.

The young man also has to render services to the maternal and paternal relatives of the girl as may be recommended by her parents, but these services are not usually as intensive as those rendered to the nuclear family. On any of the groom’s service calls to the girl’s male relative, he must take a pot of palm wine, some meat or stockfish, some heads of tobacco and potash (akanwa), while the girl’s female relative gets yams (usually three tubers) and smoked fish or stockfish. Without, these parcels, they will reject the service. Particularly in the contemporary era, cash disbursements are accepted in lieu of actual service, because they are more convenient. In some cases, the services are waived for the prospective groom, largely due to the values the families cherish.

Mai Ozi Nkuru

This is wine taken to the girl’s father to inform him that the young man is ready to wed his daughter. Her mother and other relevant paternal and maternal relatives are later informed in that order. For each visit, the usual gifts are presented.

On the occasion of “Mai Ozi Nkuru,” the parents of the girl do a final check to ascertain whether or not the young man has fulfilled every requirement demanded by custom and tradition. If there are any outstanding requirements, the young man has to fulfill them in cash or kind, according to the preferences of the girl’s parents.

When the girl’s parents formally consent to give their daughter’s hand in marriage, both families agree on a date for the wedding.

It is pertinent to note that first daughters (Ada) wed only on Orie Market days, and all weddings in Edda take place at night. Weddings do not take place during “Unwu.” Unwu refers to the months from early May to mid-August between planting and harvest, especially of yams. This period is known as “Onwa Aka Inyere.” Another period when no wedding, divorce or remarriage takes place is “Isiji” usually known as “Udumini Edda Egbebu,” which stretches from “Igba Eko” to “Mburu Isiji” (August to mid-September).

Prior to moving into her husband’s home, the bride must go into “incubation” (Nnoba Ulo, known as Nkpu or Ire Mgbede in other parts of Igbo land). This is a peculiar custom and backed by elaborate preparations, the aim of which is to proclaim that the girl will shortly be entering the marriage state. The “incubation” lasts from one to six months in line with the wishes and wherewithal of the girl’s parents and her husband. During this period, the girl stays with her mother for close direction and supervision (although in some other parts of Igbo land, she takes up her own quarters).

While in incubation, the girl does not perform any chores, is provided food in abundance and must not venture into the open in daytime. Her main preoccupation is the preparation of cam wood dye (ufie) which she uses as cream to give her body a red complexion. Some of the girls in incubation really become grossly fat, and when they are on parade at the end of the period, they received praise in proportion to their size and, of course, beauty. The fatter they are, the more gratified their husbands are expected to be.

The final stage in “Nnoba Ulo” is spread over four days. On the last day – usually the market day of the girl’s village – the girls in incubation go to the market. Generally, the more affluent the background of the girl, the grander her appearance. They wear no clothes whatsoever, other than ropes of “Udi” and “Asi” (jigida) around their waists. Rings of brass (okpogho) adorn the legs, graduated in sized from the ankles up to just above the knees.

The coiffure is a very elaborate affair and requires great patience and care to arrange. The hair is saturated with a mixture of cam wood, clay and palm oil to a sticky mass. It is then molded into a shape resembling the center-crest of a fireman’s helmet. The central ridge comes well over the middle of the forehead and extends backwards into the nape of the neck. Below the main erection and on either side, delicate patterns are traced with tiny plaits curled into small coils plastered flatly down to the head.

Maids of honor attend to the “Nnoba Ulo” girls throughout the festivities; the number accompanying each girl depends on what her parents or husband can afford. The maids are smeared with cam wood dye, the fashion being to use as much paint as possible, from the crown of the head down to the feet. The grooms hire women whose job is to decorate their brides and her maids with cosmetics and some of the materials needed for the festivities. Depending on the means of the girl’s parents or husbands, a goat or duck is slaughtered on the first day of the carnival.

The parades generally take place in the late afternoon. A girl may join others observing the “Nnoba Ulo” or elect to do it alone. Dancing is an exhausting exercise and the “Nnoba Ulo” girl does not spare herself in efforts to win the applause of the spectators, including her relatives and those of her husband. Usually, she receives gifts of cowries or cash from her relatives, in-laws and delighted spectators. To help refresh their ladies, the maids, use large fans on them after the bouts of dancing.

Ila Di

“Ila Di” refers to escorting the bride to her husband’s home. Preparatory to her moving into her husband’s home, the girl’s parents and close relatives purchase cooking utensil, household furniture and the like for their daughter. Where the parents can afford to, they could give her some goats and chicken for breeding.

Tradition demands that the girl be escorted to her husband’s home at night. The man’s friends and relatives would go early enough to the girl’s home to ensure that the departure actually takes place. On that day, if the matriclan has any complaints about unfulfilled requirements, such matters are put forward for resolution.

From the girl’s home, her relatives carry a rich package of food to be prepared, while the husband’s people also make their own arrangements to welcome their new wife and her escorts. After receiving her father’s blessing, the girl and her escorts either proceed through the village square or behind the yard (Uzo Owere) – the former route reflecting that she is a virgin and the latter (an unceremonious exit) signifying that she is pregnant. It is always a mother’s pride for her daughter to be escorted through the village or town square to her husband’s home.

Decorated almost like during her “Nnoba Ulo” outing, the bride is escorted home with such traditional music as “Okuma” (Ubo) or “Kekwu.” The movement to her husband’s home is not normally a straight-forward journey as the bride could be made to stop at a number of points. At every stop, the groom’s representatives will present the bride with gifts of money (farm produce in the old days) to “lighten” her “heavy laden” legs to enable her continue the journey. The most significant stops are those in front of the husband’s compound (Onu Nkpu) and in front of his own house. At these points, the escorts could cause as much delay as they wish until the groom’s representatives prove they are equal to the challenge of mollifying their new bride with more gifts.

In front of the groom’s compound, his parents would come out to present gifts to the bride and the singers to express their joy at welcoming their son’s new wife and, with more praises on the girl, she is urged on to her husband’s house.

After entertaining the guests, the bride’s escorts are given some bars of soap, heads of tobacco and a goat or duck for their homeward journey later that night. The goat or duck is meant for the girl’s mother, while the rest of the gifts are retained and shared by the female escorts. It is not all the escorts who return home the same night as some of them will stay back for four days to perform some household chores and keep the bride company. Until they leave, the couple do not sleep together. As they prepare to depart for home, the husband presents them with a parcel of soaps, cosmetics, groundnuts and a head of coconut.

Thus a new nuclear family takes off.

Ikwu Eku Nwami

As in other parts of Igbo land, no marriage is assured consummate until the bride-wealth is paid. The bride-wealth ceremony usually involves the parents of the bride and groom as well as their immediate paternal and maternal relatives. These latter attend as witnesses, although the immediate blood relative of the bride’s mother has a share of the bride-wealth.

The groom does not usually accompany his people to their in-laws for this ceremony, which is held in the house of either the girl’s parents or her eldest uncle. The groom’s representatives – all male – would take along a pot of palm wine, some meat or stockfish, ground tobacco (snuff) and money.

The cash disbursement involved is just N30.00 (thirty Naira), and in the past the bride-wealth would comprise a cow, goats, ducks and hens. Of course, a lot depends on the wherewithal of the groom and his parents. Out of the N30.00, the girl’s parents take N20.00, while her mother’s closest blood relative gets the balance.

Essentially, “Ikwu Eku Nwami” is undertaken at the groom’s convenience; when he would have recovered from the financial tedium of fulfilling the requirements of betrothal. However, where this is unduly delayed, the young man may be reminded through a middleman.

Some observations are imperative at this stage. One is that the bride-wealth is not paid in installments. Another is that women do not carry pots of palm wine meant for marriage ceremonies. And a third is that if on the way to the girl’s parents, the pot of palm wine falls and smashes, the marriage is called off as the gods and goddesses of the land would be deemed not to sanction the union.

Ibi Ulo

In Edda, it is the belief that a marriage does not end when the new couple begin to live together, because it is the pivot around which the principle of cooperation and mutual affinity revolves. Except for this belief, Ibi Ulo (Idu Ulo in some other parts of Igbo land) is technically the completion of a marriage and the bedrock of marital union in Edda.

The ceremony involves the girl’s parents directly, but their immediate blood relatives, especially those who were fully informed during the betrothal period, are not left out either. The occasion is designed for them to demonstrate to their in-laws that they, too, are proud of their daughter and would spare nothing to make her comfortable and happy in her new home.

It would be recalled that all the while, the girl’s family has always been receiving gifts from the groom’s side and as the Igbos say, “Weta weta ka nma n’aka onye ozo.” In this modern age, a rich parcel from the girl’s relatives for “Ibi Ulo” would include:

• Kitchen utensils
• Sewing machine
• Household furniture
• Radio and television sets and a car, where possible

In traditional Edda society, the kitchen utensils are meant to include pots & ladles, mortar
& pestle, broom, mats, fermented cassava, a basket each of maize, cocoyam & melon and a round-species of water-yam (Ajungworo). A grand occasion by any measure, the ceremony is usually planned to fall within a major festival such as “Ike Ji” or “Iri Mbe.” On the appointed date, the items are taken by a large entourage of women through the town/village square to the husband’s house and he, in turn, prepares to entertain them as lavishly as he can afford to. Again, “Igbo siri na uka a kpara akpa, e ji isi ekwe ya. Uka a kpara akpa bu nweta keke, ka Edda siri.”

At their destination, the august visitors display the items in an open place in the man’s compound for his “umunna” to witness and comment on. When the visitors are due back, they are presented with a hen, a goat, some fathoms of cloths, a blouse and head-tie to match, a bar of soap and a duck. The last two items are for the guests to share, while the rest of the items are meant for the bride’s mother.

Divorce and Remarriage

Naturally, the Edda do not go to all this length and expense with failed marriages in mind. Nuptial mobility is not rampant in Edda, because marriage is a dovetailed institution. There are however, procedures to follow in the case of such eventualities as divorce and remarriage.

When a marriage breaks up irretrievably, a few identified items are usually evaluated as dowry to the husband. These include any loans and the bride-wealth (now doubled to N60.00; that is, if the woman remarries, in order to avoid friction between her new and former spouses). Where the bride-wealth is not settled, the former husband can lay claim to any child from the new relationship, while the new man is regarded as a mere concubine. The Edda have a saying that “Okwa adighi agu nwa afa” (A bush fowl does not name a child).

It is the norm that such items as cosmetics, soaps, wine, meat, stockfish, fish, cloths and services rendered earlier are excluded from the settlement agreed on.

If the separation is by the death of her husband, the woman is free to remarry after the period of mourning – usually a year during which all the burial rites and ceremonies would have been completed. Her new husband is, however, expected to pay the sum of N10.00 as refund of the bride-wealth to the late man’s family. It is a token known as “Ikwu Eku Onye Uso.”

“Ikwapu Okwu” (removal of her kitchen tripod) is another source of separation but from which the man forfeits all his divorce entitlements. “Ikwapu Okwu” refers to the man throwing away the wife’s kitchen tripod to induce their separation. It is a very serious matter in Edda and reunion is not ordinarily possible. If later sought, the land must be cleansed with the assistance of a powerful native doctor (medicine man) and the woman’s family mollified by the man.

In Edda, no one may marry by inheritance, and members of the patrilineage are forbidden from marrying or taking over a woman formerly married to one of their fold. Therefore, a divorcee or widow must of necessity remarry outside the agnatic circle of her former husband. If this custom is flouted, it becomes incestuous and the gods have to be appeased. In the past, the offender could be banished, sold off into slavery or even killed.

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